The Walking Six-Fingered Corpse Doth Protest Too Much
Bibi keeps trying to prove he's still among the living, and Hollywood celebrates itself at the Oscars. Those and other stories on another For Funk's Sake Friday in our late-stage, crumbling empire.
Thank you to John Wygertz for that one.
And, yes, it is accurate, especially when I’m on TwiX and in a certain mood and you tell me blowing up an LNG facility in Qatar won’t affect consumers in the US. (I know, that’s oddly specific.)
Also true.
And away we go . . .
I try to keep my gallows humor at bay, but this story . . .
After deliberating for just over three hours, a Utah jury found Kouri Richins guilty of poisoning her husband with a fentanyl-laced drink at their home in 2022.
She was also found guilty of attempted murder from previously lacing a drink on Valentine’s, of all days.
The verdict in the high-profile case came after jurors listened to more than 40 witnesses share testimony about the rocky state of the couple’s marriage, a secret affair, and financial issues during the 13-day trial.
Sounds juicy.
Of course, if you read this, you know I typically don’t pay much attention to stories like this, but one detail really caught my eye, as it has most everyone else’s.
She wrote a children’s book about grieving after she killed her husband.
I don’t know whether to be horrified or ashamed of my own lack of ambition.
I couldn’t pull that off.
She and Erika Kirk should get together and start a support group.
They can call it the Psychopathic First Wives Club. (Kidding, allegedly, sort of, mostly.)
Speaking of psychopaths . . . the Oscars were this weekend. (Psychopaths aren’t all dangerous. They are all out of touch with reality, which is pretty much Hollywood.)
So it is once again time to make fun of the fashion non-sense displayed by the twinkly lights class.
But I first have to congratulate Shaboozy.
He didn’t let a bunch of people dress him up in something ridiculous this time. He looks nice.
This is for my sister. Remember the dress with the very big roses and the one that hit right there? We have had some fun.
I have to be honest, the fashions were a bit more realistic.
Oh, you had the typical . . .
Like the older woman trying to hard . . .
🤢🤢
On the other hand, we have Sigourney Weaver, who, trying to act her age, wore a . . . nightgown?!?
I apologize. I actually admire women in Hollyweird who progress through the decades acting like normies.
A couple outfits were definitely not approved by PETA . . .
This one required a lot of baby skunks . . .
And I don’t know how many birds died to make this little number, but it was a lot . . .
On the other hand, no garbage bags were harmed in the making of this outfit.
I lie: a lot of garbage bags were sacrificed.
It had a very Woman in the Yard vibe going on.
The dress is one thing, but maybe they should have loosened Misty’s hair a bit.
This one needed a whole lot of wire . . .
How do you even sit in that?
And Laura’s dress was ruined right before she had to leave, so she just pulled out a blanket and wore it instead . . .
I kid you not. We had a quilt back on the farm made by my grandmother that looked very similar.
Hey, at least it covers things.
Covering things became optional at the Vogue “after party.”
Sorry, Buzzfeed, but that’s “baring” more than the abs, though it’s definitely more reserved than this next number . . .
They forgot to put a dress under the coverup.
I’m itching just looking at that thing. I’m old enough to have run across starched lace a few times.
I don’t mean to be a prude, but just as overweight people should not go half naked, neither should anorexic people.
Or maybe general rule, just don’t go half naked.
Oy . . .
And Vey.
Ma’am, you’re missing the top half of the bikini. I suppose we should be grateful she wore underwear.
As a red-blooded straight American woman, I have got to ask: why is it always the women that are running around in outfits that leave nothing to the imagination.
I’m feeling a bit left out here.
That’s as “naked” as the men get.
I’ve been cheated.
If you follow Saturdays, you know I don’t watch a whole lot of movies, so I’m not going to opine much on the choices. But I did notice something interesting . . .
I think we can all agree, the Oscars are Hollywood’s night to pat themselves on the back, and to that end, Sinners did not, in fact, win.
Instead, it was One Battle After Another.
I don’t have three hours to spare, though I’ll watch almost anything with Benicio del Toro in it, so maybe at some point while I’m doing something else, I’ll find out how bad that movie is or isn’t.
But for the moment, I’ll rely on the Critical Drinker (we don’t always agree, but I think he probably has this one pegged).
So the movie that was the most disconnected from reality and average people, a Hollywood fantasy of what America is . . . won.
Another poll . . .
That’s actually really, really sad.
Only one in four people trust the Oscars to recommend a movie. Pick any random friend, and their average would be better than that.
But it’s a sign of the times . . .
You are seeing that right.
Less than a third of California voters think Hollywood has a positive influence on the culture.
And this is coming from Politico! Not Fox News, not the Daily Israeli Wire, not the Megyn Kelly show, but Politico.
Liberal voters in California — the epicenter of the entertainment industry — overwhelmingly say that actors, directors and other high-profile Hollywood professionals should be more vocal about their political beliefs, according to the UC Berkeley Citrin Center for Public Opinion Research-POLITICO poll, while few conservatives say so. But a plurality of voters — 48 percent — say the entertainment industry has too much influence on politics. And even in this heavily Democratic state, just 29 percent of voters believe Hollywood has a positive effect on American culture.
Which leads us to our final Hollyweird story . . .
NBC’s reason?
“NBCUniversal is making changes to our first-run syndication division to better align with the programming preferences of local stations,” NBCUniversal executive Frances Berwick said in a statement.
I think that the real reason is that no one really wants access to Hollywood anymore.
I mean, this is Hollywood.
Actually, this is Rachel Zegler of Snow Not-White fame explaining how she had no Latina role models growing up.
Rachel is twenty-four. I’m fifty. I remember seeing a lot of Latinos and Latinas.
Someone called her out on it in a most hilarious way.
Narrator: She refuses to use her frontal lobe. So it is, in point of fact and contradictory to her own statement, no help.
Yeah, we don’t need to access Hollywood anymore.
If we go find the dumbest, vainest, most disconnected, most self-entitled person we know, we’ve accessed Hollywood.
But I do enjoy the costumes.
Shifting gears, but staying in the lane of “sad statements” . . .
Americans are twice as likely to say Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is untrustworthy or very untrustworthy (50%) as they are to say it’s trustworthy or very trustworthy (26%).
Wonder why that is? Oh, that’s right. The Mad King turned it into his private little gestapo.
Other parts of the government that Americans are more likely to find untrustworthy than trustworthy are the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) (41% vs. 28%), and the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) (36% vs. 26%).
The fact that anyone trusts the CIA says very bad things about our society.
Which agencies are Americans most likely to see as trustworthy? A majority (57%) say the National Park Service is trustworthy or very trustworthy. Slightly fewer (52%) see the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) as trustworthy (35%) or very trustworthy (17%).
I have a feeling Trump will find a way to screw that up.
Speaking of screw ups and vain, self-entitled people, the saga of the East Wing continues . . .
During a testy hearing before senior US District Judge Richard Leon, the George W. Bush appointee repeatedly threw cold water on a litany of arguments pushed by the Justice Department that President Donald Trump had authority under a series of federal laws to pursue the project absent express authorization from lawmakers.
Here’s where it gets funny . . .
He took issue on Tuesday with the idea that a sprawling $400 million ballroom renovation and the demolition of the East Wing marked a simple “alteration.”
Calling the project “an alteration,” Leon said, “takes some brazen interpretation of the laws of vocabulary.”
Of course, I have news for Judge Leon. All of American politics is “brazen interpretation of the laws of vocabulary.”
Alas, poor Ric, we hardly knew thee . . .
Despite earlier warmth between Trump and Grenell, a longtime loyalist who has served in various roles across the president’s two terms in office, the president had become frustrated with a slew of negative headlines about his revamp of the arts institution, the sources said.
One source familiar with the White House view said that the president liked Grenell, but felt that he had fumbled when it came to his leadership of the Kennedy Center, including on managing the publicity.
Be honest. I don’t know how anyone could “manage the publicity” of slapping the great orange oaf’s name on the Kennedy Center.
Successfully painting turds gold is a really niche skill.
There are some moments that make me more tired than others . . .
This man wrote the Parasitic Mind, by the way.
As for “collective guilt” . . .
But, yeah, let’s go with only Jews are ever collectively blamed, and Muslims are always only individually held accountable, if even then.
This article . . .
For this line . . .
What they're saying: "The president talks to everyone — Xi, Putin, the Europeans — and he's always willing to make a deal. But it has to be a good deal. The president doesn't make bad deals," the U.S. official said.
So Israel leading him around by the short and curlies is not a “bad deal”?
I’m going to have to call the BS flag on that.
So how is the war going?
Well, Trump is doing a great job schmoozing our allies . . .
So how did that war end for Japan?
Yeah, maybe not the best example.
You ever just want to load these people up on a plane and drop them right off the Iranian coast in a leaking life raft?
Huh, just must be me.
This week everyone started blowing up oilfields and other energy related facilities, which means . . .
But people are fine with it. All for the cause, right?
I don’t know what she’s complaining about. The economy is just fine.
But the consumers are not.
Wow, a moment of truth there. Must make note of that on a calendar.
Meanwhile, as Americans struggle . . .
You know what’s free? Not bombing children.
And we’ve killed far more children than bad guys. In fact, I’m guessing we’ve caused the killing and maiming of far more of own soldiers than we have “bad guys.”
But everything is going fine . . .
So . . . the Strait of Hormuz is open because ships could go through it if the Iranians weren’t, um, firing at th—
You know, time for a little truth . . .
He gets it . . .
And so does Tim Dillon.
Just in case you don’t get the Jake Paul reference . . .
You ask: why, Lillia, did you not include that story?
Because this is all theater and we know it and that was too low a hanging fruit for even me.
And I’m tired of stupidity overload.
But war tends to cause people to drop the mask, and then you mix in betting . . .
“You have 90 minutes left to update the lie,” said a WhatsApp message reviewed by The Washington Post. “If you do this — you solve in a minute the most serious problem you have caused yourself in life. And you won’t remember me anymore in a week.”
Five days earlier, Fabian, a 28-year-old war correspondent at the Times of Israel newspaper, had published a short blog post reporting that an Iranian missile had struck an open area outside a Jerusalem suburb, harming no one.
Until he began to receive messages that threatened his life and family, Fabian didn’t know his brief report had triggered a dispute over bets on the prediction market Polymarket on whether an Iranian missile would strike Israel on March 10. For those with money down, millions of dollars were potentially riding on his blog post.
What do you say?
I know they’re repulsive people, but they’re more honest than, say, Raytheon.
Trump’s fundraising team looked at that and said . . .
A fundraising email from President Donald Trump’s political action committee has a provocative pitch: using an image from Saturday’s dignified transfer honoring six fallen US soldiers, it promises access to the president’s “private national security briefings.”
The email, sent by Never Surrender, Inc., promotes what it calls a “National Security Briefing Membership” and urges recipients to “claim your spot” with multiple links to donate, in what it describes as an exclusive group receiving updates about national security threats.
Milk those dead soldiers for all they’re worth . . . and while you’re at it sell state secrets?
Oh, thank God. Here comes an adult.
John Ratcliffe, head of the CIA, what do you have to say to this?
Huh? The Hatch Act?
The freaking Hatch Act—running afoul of political neutrality—is what you’re worried about when the Trump offers private national security briefings to donors?!?
This is an offensively unserious “late-empire” presidency.
So much winning.
Which leads us to the six-fingered man . . .
It all sort of started like this . . .
Around that same time, Scott Bessent was pulled very suddenly out of an interview . . .
Seems a little shaken, no?
On top of that, Netanyahu’s son, Yair Netanyahu, suddenly went from posting thirty to fifty times a day on X to, well, nothing, from March 8th until March 15th, when Bibi was desperately trying to prove he wasn’t worm food.
But nobody really paid too much attention, until someone noticed something in a recent video . . .
Netanyahu had “grown” an extra finger on his right hand.
Now, I’ve slowed this down. It could be his palm and a trick of lighting.
But on top of that, he “missed” a security council meeting.
He never misses a security council meeting, or so we’re told.
Now had it all ended there, I think people would have let it go, but then Bibi (or maybe Bibi™) started trying to “prove” he was alive with a series of strange but escalatory videos.
First, he supposedly visited a coffee shop . .
.
So watch people did, and they pointed out things . . .
The fact that the liquid/foam seems to defy gravity?
You’ll also notice a cut after he takes a sip and has foam on his lip and then no foam, but the liquid never goes down in the cup.
Supposedly he then went outside.
And managed to make his ring disappear and then reappear.
Of course, some explained that as a video compression issue, with the ring fading into the background of his skin.
Someone in PR must have said, “Add more people!”
Not only is the message creepy as hell, but as some pointed out, the light doesn’t seem to be hitting Bibi the same as it is the others. Their foreheads shine. His doesn’t.
Now, he could have just put on a ton of makeup, I guess. He seems vain enough.
So are these AI or are these not?
But I do know one thing . . .
Mike Huckabee’s face seems to morph like his bones are moving . . .
It’s real. Put the video to full screen and watch it happen at around :04. Now that I might be able to explain as a trick of being on the edge of a wide angle lens and a change in facial expression, but this . . .
This is not a human ear.
And seeing that “ear,” you had to wonder, are all the rest of the “glitches,” merely tricks of light or are the rumors true? Is Bibi dead (or gravely wounded)?
Actually, we still have people who think COVID came from a wet market, or that Tyler Robinson shot Charlie Kirk, so . . . no, it would not be impossible.
It’s also worth noting that Bibi, who is a known media attention whore, had yet to do anything approximating “live.”
And then this happened.
In which less than an hour after Netanyahu’s account posted part of a video on TwiX, someone noticed something weird going on with his left sleeve . . .
It could have just slid out, I guess.
But we’re back to “that’s not a human ear,” so what else isn’t human?
I will give you that a multi-hour interview with an AI form interacting with reporters is a stretch for even those of us with tinfoil ten-gallon Stetsons.
Does that mean Bibi is definitively alive?
Well, no, not really.
Okay, Biden and Jimmy Dore, but how about this?
When Jonna Mendez, then the CIA’s chief of disguise, was asked to brief President George H.W. Bush on the agency’s new mask technology in the early 1990s, she wanted to make a powerful impression to secure more funding.
“It’s expensive to make these masks,” says Mendez, 78.
Meeting Bush in the Oval Office disguised as a Latina woman with black curly hair, she described the extraordinary results her team achieved to evade Russia’s KGB. Bush curiously glanced to her side, perhaps looking for a briefcase holding the new disguise. She told him she was wearing it.
“He said, ‘Hold on, don’t take it off yet.’ Then he got up and took a closer look,” she recalls. “He said, ‘Okay, do it.’ ”
Like a Mission: Impossible character, Mendez slowly peeled off a remarkably lifelike mask, revealing her true face: blue eyes, fair skin and short, dark blonde hair. When she held up the disguise that duped everyone in the room, Bush and his advisers seemed dazzled.
This was the early 1990s. Thirty years ago.
Think how far technology has come.
So Bibi could still very well be dead or otherwise out of commission.
In other words, Inigo Montoya did indeed get his man.
Hey, stranger things have happened, like Gaddafi rapping in a kitchen . . .
And so it goes.
Well, this week got long. Sorry, or not. Sometimes when I have more energy, I write and then trim, but this week, I did well enough just to write. And I’m pulling into Friday at a dead run, but I made it!
I remember watching reruns of The Monkees when I was a kid. This is one of my favorite songs. So I’ll end on a happy note.
Have the best weekend!
Amelia Gray looks like a mashup of Nosferatu and Lily-Rose Depp.
Good thing that Hollywood women don’t sexualize women or the feminist hags would really protest. I admire their integrity and perky perspective.